


Overthinking

by nevereatdirt



Series: NEDWrites Oneshots [31]
Category: gen:LOCK (Web Series)
Genre: Ether, Light Angst, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 05:44:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevereatdirt/pseuds/nevereatdirt
Summary: Don't speak. Don't think. Just enjoy.





	Overthinking

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was fun to write but damn is it hard for me to not add angst any time i write julian

The Ether was better than being a hologram out in the real world. Better than being in his holon and _way_ better than being trapped in his tank. Not that he wasn’t happy to be alive and kind of well, but being able to actually sense and feel the things around him? To get a drink? To have some actually _contact_ ? Nothing beat that. Nothing beat getting to just… _be_. And as he sat in a jazz club he couldn’t help but to feel at ease. To be reminded of his family and the life he’d lost in his sacrifice.

 

It was bittersweet to say the least, but what could he do? He had to settle for better than nothing at the end of the day and so he did. He let the smooth sound of brass wash over him and smiled when he heard an all too familiar song start.

 

But he wasn’t alone for long. Looking more than just a little out of place, Kazu sat beside him and looked him over some. He could tell the other man was thinking about something. Could tell just from that scrunch of his nose and furrow of his brow. He knew that no one would pay him any mind, though. This was the Ether, after all. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Knowing him as well as he did, though, he was a little surprised.

 

He gave him a smile and slid his drink over to him. “Hey man, drink up. I’ve probably had enough as it is.” He laughed and leaned back a little in the soft bench to watch the musicians.

 

Kazu sucked at his teeth and tutted a little as he stared at the drink before looking at Chase. “ _So this is where you come when you’re in here?_ ”

 

He nodded and gave a weak little smile, sighing softly. “Yeah. Just reminds me of home, you know? I’m sure you get that when you go to shows here too, right?”

 

“ _Yeh, I get that. I’ll go to most any kind of concert that I can, though._ ” He took a sip of his drink, swirling it in the glass some. “ _Never really did jazz, though. How does this remind you of home?_ ”

 

“Well, growing up it was all my dad listened to. It got to a point that I _hated_ it as a kid, but… When he died it just brought back all the good memories of him.” He gave a sad smile and sighed. Talking about his dad was always a little rough. He still missed him, afterall. He was the reason he’d become a pilot. The reason he’d met so many of his friends and loved ones.

 

He had to suppose he was the reason that he’d sacrificed himself in the end. He knew that’s what his dad would’ve done. That he would’ve given his life to save the people he loved. And while that’s what Julian had intended to do, the thought that he was somehow luckier than his dad struck him as almost ironic. Why had things gone like this?

 

A hand on his shoulder made him jolt out of his thoughts and he looked over to Kazu. “ _Are you okay? It didn’t seem like you heard me._ ”

 

“Oh, uh. Sorry. Was just thinking a little too much I think.” He laughed and rubbed the back of his neck some.

 

“ _It’s okay. I wasn’t saying anything important._ ” He shrugged and looked back to the band, tutting just a little. “ _Though you look like you need something more than just some jazz. Let’s get out of here._ ”

 

He furrowed his brow and tilted his head, looking him over before nodding a little. “Yeah sure. Lead the way.” He got up from his seat and started to leave with him, the sounds of the band still playing in the background.

 

 _You only live but once, so let the good times roll_.

 

Appropriate maybe. But did he really only live once? As he followed Kazu, the thoughts raced through his head for the umpteenth time. Do you really only live once if you’re given a chance like he had been? But the song still rang true. He had to stop trying to figure this all out. He had to just let the good times roll. Enjoy things when he could.

 

He almost didn’t notice when they made it to the club. They were standing outside and the heavy bass thrummed through him. Looking Kazu over, he wasn’t sure this was really _his_ idea of a good time, but he was ready to hear him out. “ _Dancing should take your mind off things, yeh?_ ”

 

“Take my mind off things?”

 

“ _Yeh. Looked like you were thinking too much. A stiff drink and some bad dancing will help. So let’s go._ ”   
  
A stiff drink and bad dancing? So be it. He gave a grin and tilted his head. “Yeah, dude, let’s do it.” He gave his shoulder a bump and made his way into the club with him, ordering himself a stern drink and downing it quickly. Both of them hit the dance floor and, admittedly did dance horribly. But it was good fun. He danced with Kazu and felt the bodies around him in the club bumping against him. Felt the heat from everyone radiating.

 

How long they stayed in the club was up for debate. It was hard to tell in the Ether, and especially hard when a person was drunk. But when they left it felt decidedly later and he still didn’t want to leave. People stayed the night in the Ether all the time. It wasn’t unusual, especially for gamers. So it was more than simple enough to find a place to fall down drunk with Kazu.

 

The room only had the one bed, but neither of them seemed to mind. They both just flopped onto their back and stared at the ceiling, laughing just a little in their drunken state. Julian turned his head and snorted as he looked over Kazu some. “So why the full punk get up dude? You’re already hardcore.”

 

He looked back and cocked a brow, shrugging some. “ _I always wanted to dress like this back home. But what about you? Why the hoodie?_ ”

 

“Well… I mean I like to feel normal when I can, you know? And I mean you can be _anything_ here absolutely _anything_. So I pick to be normal.” He laughs and rolled onto his side, looking him over some. “I mean it’s hard to be normal when you live in a tank.”

 

Kazu groaned and poked him in the forehead, furrowing his brow some. “ _You think too much about things. And I’m way too drunk to be thinking._ ” He rolled onto his side and looked Julian over, tilting his head some.

 

“I think too much, huh?” He hummed and looked him over, grinning some. “Guess you’re probably right. Maybe I should just sleep and think tomorrow when I’m not so drunk.”

 

He hummed and moved a little closer, looking him over. “ _I thought we were having good times? Sleep is boring._ ”

 

His breath hitched a little as Kazu pulled him closer, their bodies just inches from actually touching and he wasn’t sure just what to do. And so he pressed closer, their chests touching and his face warm from more than just the booze at the club. After a moment’s hesitation, Julian leaned in and pressed their lips together. It was awkward. Clumsy even. They were both just a little too drunk to _think_ about the kiss and just what they were doing, but it was _electric_.

 

Four years without contact left him a mess. Kazu’s hands moved over his body and he was pushed to lay on his back, watching as the other settled between his legs. This was happening so fast. Things might be awkward later. But consequences be _damned_ he needed this. He moved to pull off his hoodie, tossing it aside and watching as Kazu undressed. While he’d seen him getting into his suit, it was another thing to see him bare between his legs. His wide shoulders and broad chest on full display, and the bulge straining against his jeans.

 

He pulled off his shirt and tossed it to the side with his hoodie, his heart racing. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt his heart race. His mind whirled with the thought of just having someone so intimately close. He focused on the way broad hands trailed over his chest and the feeling of lips against his jaw. He shuddered and let out a soft moan, arching up into the touch. “Kazu…”

 

A nip to his neck made him stop speaking, and a squeeze to his hips had him shuddering again. “ _Don’t speak. Don’t think. Just enjoy._ ”

 

The words were terse, but he could appreciate the sentiment. He tried to bring himself out of his head. This was part of being “real” right? Letting go. Being lost in sensation of any kind. Music. Food. Sex. Anything that he could be lost in he shouldn’t deny if he’s trying to live again. And so he wasn’t shocked when he and Kazu were both undressed the rest of the way.

 

He let out a low noise when he felt the tip of Kazu’s cock against him. It was the Ether. He didn’t _need_ to be stretched, but the thickness without any kind of prep was painful all in all. And he was loving it. The pain of it felt _real_. The stretch was grounding but also making him lose himself a little. His hips were held tight and he felt like he was more open than he’d been in years.

 

He tilted his head and moaned again as Kazu kissed over his neck and jaw before he started to thrust into him roughly. He wrapped his arms around him, trying to spread his legs a little more for the other and grinding back against him. It was all so much, too much almost. His head was reeling and his heart was racing. It had been too long. It was too much too much too much _not enough_.

 

Kazu lifted his hips just enough and he could _feel_ the change in angle and it was perfect. So horribly wonderfully _perfect_ . He wrapped his legs around him and held him tight, moaning out louder and trying not to cry. It was so much for him and it felt so _good_ . Kazu was _rough_ but sweet in all the right ways. All the ways that he needed.

 

Too soon he came, tightening around Kazu and feeling the other cum inside of him. He shuddered more and could feel tears on his face, his entire body thrumming and hot and loose. He panted as Kazu relaxed on top of him, most of his weight on top of him. He held him tight still and rested his head against his shoulder, still crying quietly.

 

“ _Are you okay?_ ” Kazu’s hands traced over him slowly and he kissed against the side of his head. They were both a little more sober now. Both a little more in the moment.

 

He swallowed and nodded, tears still staining his face. “I’m okay, Kazu. Don’t worry okay?” He smiled and sniffled a little. “It felt so good but it was a lot. A good a lot.” He traced against him and stayed close to him, eyes darting over him some.

 

Kazu nodded, holding him tight against his chest and staying silent. There was nothing to be said just then. Nothing that would make the moment any better. They both knew it wasn’t the time to talk about it. Not with him crying from just too many emotions and the both of them still drunk.

 

But he hoped that they could figure this out later. Hoped that whatever this was wasn’t just a one night stand. That it wasn’t just letting off stress. He hoped it could be more than that. Because if nothing else it made him feel just the least bit normal the least bit real.

 

When they woke they’d both leave the Ether. When they woke they’d both go back to their bodies. But for now he was in the moment. For now he was just going to stop thinking.

 

Thinking was for later.


End file.
